Well they say it's my birthday...

Day 20, 13th Moon, Civil Year 3760

Ever since I signed up for Facebook with a fake birthdate, everybody's been confused. I mean, come on:  it's the Solstice, right? I was just being cautious, what with all the identity theft going around. I heard a terrible story about some fellow who was crucified after being mistaken for somebody else. Gotta be careful these days.

But really, those of you who know me—do I read like a Capricorn? I'm totally a Pisces. That's why I have the cool fish tattoo.

Well, it doesn't really matter. I hear the disciples are throwing me a party, which is very sweet. James is a great gardener, and the house is full of evergreens and candles. Mary's baking some kind of cake with dried fruit in it. It'll be a good time, so stop by if you get the chance.

Okay, so here's my Love 'n Peace "birthday edition" message:

Celebrate the day you were born into flesh, and live your life with joy. But remember that you are not your body. Your body is just a vehicle for your Spirit, and your Spirit is the part of you that is eternal. Your Spirit is part of God, and as such, it is divine and holy and beloved, for God is not whole without you. When the day comes that you lay down your body, it becomes an empty shell and no longer matters. Resurrection is not about the body; it is about remembering who you are, re-membering with God, and returning to the consciousness that you never really left. Your beautiful, important life here is not the totality of you; it is just a dream that your Spirit chose to have for a little while. And no matter what happens in this dream, no matter what you do or think, you are beloved and precious and loved, and you will always be so.

I'm going to go kill some time at Manny's. I could use a macchiato and a bagel, and I don't want to show up too early for the party. I think it's supposed to be a surprise, but the disciples wear their thoughts on their sleeves, so it's pretty hard to keep a secret.

Until next time—love and peace to you!

Yeshua Ben-Joseph

Previous Comments:

Simon:  Who? Who got crucified? What? Holy crap, I gotta call Reg at the PFJ.

John:  I really thought you were a Libra, Rabbi. What time of day were you born? Can I just call your mother?

Matthew:  I can't do anything with a February birthday. Nothing goes on in February! I'm sticking with the Solstice. It's a much better story.

BigMomma:  Oy! Such a difficult birth. I'll never forget it as long as I live. In a cave with a midwife, out in the middle of the desert, and then after all those pains, the sun stops in the sky for a day. Can you say melodramatic? And Joseph—useless! No help whatsoever. By the way, what happened to the sweater I made for you? I haven't seen you wearing it. It's your favorite color and everything.

Matthew:  Hmm, I think that this needs some more characters. Were there any shepherds, say? Angels? What if three astrologers showed up because his birth had been foretold! Okay, now we're rolling...

BigMomma:  The only people around was a camel thief and a farmer selling artichokes. Which is the last thing you want to see when you're giving birth, let me tell you.

Monychangrrr:  Need protection from identity theft? FREE* identity theft protection!!! *Applies to first 24 hours only. Pricing subject to change. Discounts available if you use debit, credit, or electronic fund transfer from your checking account.

Phar-i-C:  Pisceans are full of crap!

JudasI:  SHUT UP! JUST SHUT UP!!

Phar-i-C:  @JudasI You're a Scorpio, aren't you?

Peter:  Rabbi, you already know about the party?

Publius Severus:  It is absolutely untrue that the Roman Empire would wrongly execute anyone. We know who you are. We know where you live. We never make a mistake. We are the Romans. We are here to take care of you. We know what we're doing. There's nothing to see here. Move along.

Winter Colds

Day 6, 13th Moon, Civil Year 3760

I don't know what it is about winter colds, but even I get them. Yeshua, heal thyself! Ha ha. Seriously, I hate post-nasal drip. And this cough has GOT to go. Probably by tomorrow, though. There are advantages to being me. Still, all the disciples have it. Peter's mother-in-law has it. Heck, everyone has it. And it's not going to kill anybody, so I made the executive decision to just let Nature take its course. What the heck.

There are nice things that can be done for winter colds, though. I'm good with the wine, and I've discovered that warming it a bit with some heartier spirits and spices makes for a great drink to soothe a sore throat. I think I'll call it Glögg. I don't know where that came from. It certainly isn't Hebrew. It certainly isn't Latin. But it fits, somehow. Now if I could only figure out what to call that egg mixture I came up with...

All right, I'll cut to the chase. Here's today's Love 'n Peace message:

You don't have to worry about anything. It's tempting to worry, I know—worry about losing something, or not having enough, or even worrying about death. Please don't worry. God loves you unconditionally and will support you always and forever. If you trust, you will always have what you need. Trust is the magical key that opens the gates of your abundance. Trust!

Part of trusting is acceptance, too. Sometimes, stuff happens to you that doesn't look on the outside like it has anything to do with your highest good. Don't judge it! Let it be what it is. Its gifts will reveal themselves to you in time, even if there is some pain involved. Illness and loss don't feel good, but that doesn't mean that there isn't a higher purpose at work in them. Trust the process of life! God is supporting you in every moment and loving you in every moment. And the more you are able to do this, the easier it gets.

Okay, now I'm off to make some chicken soup for everybody. It's a funny thing. Sometimes, the right thing to do is to heal them with a touch, and sometimes the right thing is to make chicken soup.

Love and peace and good health you!

Yeshua Ben-Joseph

Previous Comments:

Simon:  What did he just say?

John:  Is he saying that we should never fight against injustice? What's all this acceptance talk?

Simon:  That can't be right. I think it's code for "lie quietly like a lamb and trust that the moment of REVOLUTION will make itself known to you."

Matthew:  I like the lamb metaphor... Maybe the lamb is a lion in sheep's clothing! Lamb... lion... I can make this work.

Yeshua:  Whoa. I think you might be missing the point. Everything is in divine order right now. If you want change, Trust is the engine of that change. When you trust and stop judging what you see, the Love of God is able to work its miracles in the world. You don't have to DO anything, because God will take care of it for you.

Simon:  Soooo, you're saying that we should just be happy that the Romans have conquered our lands and are mistreating our people, then? Rabbi, this is just not going to work. Please be serious. When are you going to use your power to expel the Romans? Come on now, joke's over.

Yeshua:  I love you, Simon. I'm never going to lift a hand in violence against my brothers or sisters.

Simon:  Brothers and sisters? That's crazy talk. They're Gentiles!

Peter:  Rabbi, can I help you make the soup? I got some great ideas from HGTV last night, and I've got some lovely cilantro that will make it just perfect.

Phar-i-C:  Trust and acceptance is such crap!

JudasI:  SHUT UP! JUST SHUT UP!!

Phar-i-C:  @JudasI in silver we trust? :)

Monychangrrr:  KOSHER CHICKEN on sale at Bernie's in the market! Buy 2 get 1 half off!!! Today only!

Publius Severus:  You must have a food permit to prepare soup for more than 11 people.

Peter:  @Publius Severus - Why 11? Why not 10? Or 12? 11 makes no sense!

Publius Severus:  The exact number is subject to change according to the judgment of Caesar's representative.

Peter:  Oh, for... fine, stop by in 2 hours, and I'll give you a bowl and the usual.

Publius Severus:  I trust it will be Syrah today?

Shopping

Day 22, 12th Moon, Civil Year 3760

I was out and about in the big city today and noticed a lot of folks are shopping at this time of year. The market was busy, and traffic was terrible. It's bad enough trying to squeeze your way through a throng without having to watch for camel poop. I only have the one pair of sandals, after all. But I was determined to get to the market, because I had a yen for some goat cheese, and I really do need a new robe. This one has holes in it from all the groupies grabbing on and pulling at it all the time.

While making the rounds, I overheard someone say, "It's hard for a rich man to enter the kingdom of heaven. Seriously, it's easier for a camel to go through the eye of a needle than for a rich man to enter the kingdom of God." I observed the person who said this, and afterward, he went over to the Best Buy tent and bought a Wii. So it got me to thinking. Which leads me to today's Love 'n Peace message:

The natural state of God is abundance. Therefore, this is your natural state, too. God is abundant! You are abundant! If you allow yourself to be. You do not have to deserve it. You do not have to do anything special or be anyone special. Let me put it this way:

Let's say God has a son, and one of them says, "Mom/Dad, give me my inheritance now, because I want to see the world." So God does that, gives him his entire legacy. And the son goes out into the world and blows all his money in Vegas. Then, being broke, he goes to work on a factory farm, but as an illegal immigrant, he doesn't get paid much of anything and has no rights. And this son is really hungry and in great want. Desperate, he decides to return home and grovel for forgiveness, because he is certain that he really screwed the pooch. But Mom and Dad are very happy to see him, and they embrace him and give him a leg of lamb and good beer and some really nice threads to wear, because he is their son, and they love him unconditionally. He believes he screwed up, and they say, "No problem! We love you and are glad you are home again."

I'm telling you this story because YOU ARE this prodigal son—or daughter. You may believe that you are not deserving, that you have done bad things, or that you are unlovable. And I say that none of this is true. You are still God's perfect child, and you will always be, and there is nothing that you can do, think, or say to make God stop loving you. And you absolutely deserve all of the good things in life. Everyone does. There is enough of God to go around! There is enough abundance for everyone! So I say, open for God a door as big as a needle's eye, and I will open for you a door through which may enter tents and camels.

Well, I better rush off. Looks like Menken's is getting ready to close. I'd like to find something besides a white robe, if possible. I don't know what it is about white. Everybody thinks I should wear white. I just want a little color. Magenta, maybe.

Love and peace, dear ones!

Yeshua Ben-Joseph

Previous Comments:

Simon:  I give up. Rabbi... the rich guys are the problem. Hellooo, revolution calling. The poor don't want to hear this kind of talk. They know they don't deserve riches. If everybody deserved riches and could be rich, then who would rule? I ask you.

Matthew:  Rabbi, did you catch that guy's name at the market? I'd like to talk to him.

John:  I don't understand about the camels. Why are camels in this story?

Yeshua:  The camels are just symbolic. God is abundant! Many things are abundance! Money, yes, and food, clothing, and shelter, but also friends and family and other resources. God's abundance shows itself in many ways! Appreciate what you have! Be grateful and watch it multiply.

John:  So, the camels symbolize Swiss bank accounts? Is that it?

Phar-i-C:  Abundance is such crap! Poor people are just lazy and deserve what they get.

JudasI:  SHUT UP! JUST SHUT UP!!

Phar-i-C:  @JudasI  contract is heading your way

Monychangrrr:  GREAT DEALS! Join Groupon Jerusalem today!

MaryM:  @Yeshua I think you're totally hot in green. Just sayin'.

Publius Severus:  It is the DUTY of every shopper to render unto Caesar a SALES TAX of 29% on every purchase, or at minimum to provide a flagon of wine to His Loyal Servants if you don't have the cash. See me personally to settle your account. (There is no need to involve other Citizens of the Empire.)

Peter:  Does the sales tax include sweaters?

Oops

Day 20, 12th Moon, Civil Year 3760

Some days, you just react against your better judgment. We all have those kinds of days, including me. I went up to the Temple and saw traders doing what they always do:  trying to make a buck. There's nothing wrong with earning a living, but let's just say that some go about it with more integrity than others. And I'm not here to judge anybody, but it bothered me that this was going on in a holy place, a place dedicated to the pursuit of the spiritual, to experiencing Spirit. It seemed to me that a pilgrim in that space was particularly vulnerable to making bad business decisions, and some people wanted to take advantage of that fact. So... I lost my temper. Oops.

I could've acted better. It probably wasn't absolutely necessary to pull that guy's beard and call him a son of a goat thief. That wasn't very peaceful of me, and I confess that I'm ashamed of myself. But I also forgive myself. I love me, and I forgive me unconditionally. What's done is done, and I will now move forward.

Still, I suppose it was, as they say frequently in Jerusalem these days, a "teachable moment." With that in mind, here's my Love 'n Peace message for today:

You can't vanquish darkness by fighting against it. You just can't. For one thing, darkness is part of God—because everything is God. So fighting against the darkness is the same thing as fighting God. Confusing? Look at it like this:  there is nothing that is not God. Nothing. But this is all our Creation! It's our story that we're telling. It's our collective illusion. And in that illusion, we create constantly. Fear creates darkness; Love creates Light. Fear says we must fight something or lose out or get hurt. But fighting something actually feeds it and makes it stronger, because you are validating it in the illusion and making it more real. If you don't want war, then don't fight against war—that just validates war. March for peace! Live for peace! Focus on peace! And be peaceful in yourself so that peace will increase. Which means you probably shouldn't pull other people's beards and call them names.

It's been a long day. I need to move some energy. I think I'll go levitate for awhile, then catch up with Mary and the guys over some wine. Life is good! Enjoy it.

Love and peace, dear ones!

Yeshua Ben-Joseph

Previous Comments:

Simon:  Where did THAT come from? Yo, Rabbi, you cannot be a peaceful Messiah. You're supposed to raise an army and drive out the bloody Romans. What the hell.

JudasI:  I thought I signed on for a revolution. Aren't we going to kill Romans?

Peter:  @JudasI, you say you want a revolution... Well, you know, we all want to change the world...

Yeshua:  If you haven't noticed, this blog is called the "Love 'n PEACE blog." I am not carrying a sword. Instead, I am offering you the keys to your prison.

Matthew:  I'm pretty sure I can work with this story, but I think it needs a bigger fight scene.

Monychangrrr:  I am SO gonna SUE YOU for pain and suffering for pulling my beard! And for libel! My father was NOT a goat thief! He was a camel thief!

Scribe4Hire:  @Monychangrrr, I am available to represent you. FREE consultation!

Phar-i-C:  Fights in the Temple are such... Umm, that's pretty cool, actually. @JudasI  killed your avatar last night in Worlds of Warcraft.

JudasI:  SHUT UP! JUST SHUT UP!!

MaryM:  Can you pick up some unleavened bread on your way home from the Temple? 

Publius Severus:  Did someone say something about the Romans?

Brian:  Romanes eunt domus!

Publius Severus:  What?

Yeshua:  @Monychangrrr Forgive me. I behaved badly. I love you.

Phar-i-C:  I'm going to throw up.  

Visit from Mom

Day 18, 12th Moon, Civil Year 3760

Today I hung out in the temple and talked to some of the awesome people there. It's a peaceful place, you know? Said a few words. Healed a couple of pilgrims. Typical day. And just as I was getting ready to find myself some latkes, there was Mom! I love my Mom. She's a saint. Seriously, a great lady. But she was upset, saying, "Yeshua, I've been looking everywhere for you!" Holy cow, Mom, how many times do I have to tell you: when in doubt, look for me in the Temple? I guess all kids have issues with their parents, though.

Like every mother, mine complains that I don't call her enough. I don't have to. She calls me! It's always the same questions, too. "Where are you? What have you eaten? Are you wearing a sweater?" Somebody should invent a way for me to tell her these things more easily.

Anyway, we had a great visit. Too bad Dad couldn't come, too, but Mom said something about a Backgammon tournament. He's a Backgammon fiend, I'm tellin' ya.

And now for something completely different. My Love 'n Peace message:

You came through your parents, but you don't belong to them. You can love them. You can honor them for carrying out their sacred duty to the best of their ability. But you aren't theirs. You are who you are, and who you came to be. You came through your parents, but the author of your soul is God. That is who you are. Be true to how God made you, because that is why you are here. Be you. Love yourself as God loves you, even if you feel strange or out of place or different. You are you for a reason. Honor that. God loves you, exactly the way you are right now. And so do I.

Allrighty, then! I promised Mom that I'd take her out for some lamb kabobs tonight, and I don't want to keep her waiting! It'll be a bit of a party, actually, which probably means they didn't buy enough wine. I must say, I think they rely on me a little too much in that department. But, oh well! It'll be fun.

Love and peace, dear ones!

Yeshua Ben-Joseph

Previous Comments:

Simon:  I am in marketing hell. Rabbi, it is really hard to convince everyone that you are more special than they are if you come across as a regular dude. Please stop talking about your family.

John:  Oh, I dunno, I think we can work with the mother angle. We just need a good narrative.

Matthew:  She's very pious. No question about that. And she makes killer matzo.

MaryM:  My only issue is that she thinks nobody is good enough for her son.

Yeshua:  Guys, what are you on about? We don't want to give people the idea that it's somehow unholy to have a family. Come on! That would take the joy right out of life. I love my family! And I love you! You're my family, too! We're all one family! The family of man! Well, and women, too, obviously. I was using "man" in the sense of "person." Please don't take me too literally.

Phar-i-C:  "Family of man" is such crap!!!

JudasI:  SHUT UP! JUST SHUT UP!

Monychangrrr:  FREE SERVICE to help you keep in touch with your Jewish mother! Totally FREE when you provide all of your personal information!

Peter:  But I don't have a sweater.

Monychangrrr:  GREAT DEALS on sweaters! www.schlump.com FREE SHIPPING!!!

Publius Severus:  Hear ye! In the name of our Emperor, Caesar Augustus, there will be from this day forth a NEW TAX levied upon those who wear garments made from wool or hair of animals, in the amount of 10 denarii for plain-colored garments and in the amount of 50 denarii if it should have stripes, polka dots, or any kind of depiction generally considered to be "cute," such as baby camels with bells on them.

Peter:  I miss my mom.

Happy Hanukkah!

Day 16, 12th Moon, Civil Year 3760

Happy Hanukkah, everyone!

I can tell winter's coming. Brrr! It must be 99 F out here. Ah, gotta love the desert. Note to self:  next time I go on a 40-day hike, I need to bring a GPS. And maybe some peanut butter. It goes well with the manna.

Not much going on, really. I healed a leper and asked him not to tell everyone, so of course he told everyone. Leave it to me to heal the town blabbermouth. After that, everybody wanted to be my friend. "Hey, Rabbi, can I buy you a glass of wine?" I love wine, don't get me wrong, but there's a limit to how much even I can drink. I told the disciples that we need to leave town early tomorrow. So happy for early checkout...

All right, I'll cut to the chase. Here's my Love 'n Peace message for all you wonderful people:

God would literally be diminished without you. That's right. That's how important you are. Without you, God is missing a piece of itself. Kind of blows you away, doesn't it? But it's true. And you are LOVED more than I can say. You are so dear, and you matter so much. Hey—I love you. And I really mean that.

Now I'm off to see that new movie about the kid wizard. As they say (or as Romans with faulty grammar might say), "Lumos!" Let your light shine!

Love and peace,
Yeshua Ben-Joseph

Previous Comments:

Simon:  Rabbi, will you PLEASE let me look at these before you post? You need to adopt a more serious tone.

Matthew:  I'm actually with Simon on this one.

Simon:  Is it snowing? Is hell freezing?

John:  I do think that you could take love and peace a little more seriously, Rabbi.

Yeshua:  Come on, guys! Part of love is having a sense of humor! Joy is our natural state! Let's give a little JOY to the world! Hey, that would make a good song.

MaryM:  Lol! I'll start it. "Jeremiah was a bullfrog..."

Yeshua:  Ha, speaking of someone who really needed to lighten up...

Jeremiah:  On the tenth day of the fifth month, in the nineteenth year of Nebuchadnezzar king of Babylon, Nebuzaradan commander of the imperial guard, who serves the king of Babylon, will come to Jerusalem AND BURN EVERYTHING TO THE GROUND if you do not take that back!

Yeshua:  Very funny, Peter.

Phar-i-C:  Love and peace is such crap!!!

JudasI:  SHUT UP! JUST SHUT UP!

Phar-i-C:  @JudasI  meet me later?

Monychangrrr:  Super deal on Hanukkah candles! Guaranteed to burn for 8 days! Free shipping!!!

Publius Severus:  @Jeremiah You must have a permit to prophesy. The fine is 50 denarii. I'll be around to collect it.

Jeremiah:  jk!

My First Peace 'n Love Message

Day 6, 11th Moon, Civil Year 3760

It's been a long day. Had dinner at a nice place here in Capernaum. Turned some water into wine. Peter loves it when I do that.

Spent the afternoon talking to some people on the side of a hill. Really, all I wanted to say was that everything you ever need or know is right inside of you and that the Love of God is all there is, unconditionally and forever, but they kept saying, "More! More!" I ran out of ideas, honestly. Thank God James had that scroll with all the old quotes on it. I think he got it from a trader who threw it in with some goat's milk. That's a good way to do business.

All in all, it was a good talk, but the turnout could've been better. There were maybe two dozen people. Hardly worth the time, really, but Matthew says it's not a problem because he can inflate the numbers later and no one will know the difference. I don't think it matters, but he can do what he likes.

Okay, I know you readers out there are here for my Peace 'n Love message, so here it is:

I am the son of God, and you are the son or daughter of God. God loves you, because you are part of God. So love one another the way God loves you. Forgive one another. Salvation is for everyone, not just a few.

And party on! I'm gonna go out dancing with Magdalene and have some wine. You should enjoy yourselves, too.

Peace and love,
Yeshua Ben-Joseph

Previous Comments:

Simon:  WTF? Come on, Rabbi, I thought we agreed I could edit these things before you post them. You shouldn't post stuff about your personal life. It really messes with our marketing.

John:  Don't be such a Zealot, Simon.

Simon:  Don't be such a dick, John.

John:  Now who needs to be edited?

Matthew:  You tell it your way, and I'll tell it my way.

Monychangrrr:  hey, want to sell advertising space on this blog? great deals!

Phar-i-C:  This is such crap!!!

JudasI:  SHUT UP! JUST SHUT UP!

Phar-i-C:  @JudasI yeah, I got your number.

Publius Severus:  What's all this, then?

Thomas:  @Publius we're just having a theological discussion. Oh, shoot, I must have dropped some denarii BY THE FOUNTAIN downtown...

Yeshua:  Can't we all just get along?

MaryM:  Come on, honey, all the good appetizers will be gone by the time we get there.

Yeshua:  @MaryM: Gotcha covered. Do you like fish?

Alter:  Can someone send me the link to the sweater blog? alter@nazareth.net Thanks in advance.

Monychangrrr:  @Alter www.schlump.com Free shipping!!!

Zusa:  Would anyone like to start a discussion group about the Rabbi's sayings? Can I get his autograph? He's so dreamy.